Brevity is...

LEONARD COHEN IS KING

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 05:47:32 GMT

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time,
walk me to the corner, our steps will always rhyme
you know my love goes with you as your love stays with me,
it's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

I am permanently smiling.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 06:20:32 GMT

Then you realize that as nice as reminiscing can be, there is nothing left in those moments past, not even the grief. I need to remember how happy I am. How lucky I am in the way things turned out. I need to forgive. Especially forgive myself. I can't meet anyone's expectations, nor do I mean to. You don't know me, and that is okay. I am happy this way. I will never be what you want me to be and though I wish you could see the good in me, I will let you go. It is okay, it is all okay. I can't live through your eyes, these are my choices. It is all okay.

and she lets the river answer

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 00:04:43 GMT

Then I understood what everyone was talking about.
Why it is all so important.
What it really means to be happy.
And it leaves me wondering how I ever lived without him.

tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:26:56 GMT

I used to get excited for school to start. I have never not wanted it to come this badly. does that make sense? I really really really don't want to go back. I don't want to loose this. I am scared I will loose everything that I have built this summer. Plus everything is broken now. But I guess that just leaves room for new things to grow and for things just to change and be better. maybe?
My life is completely different now. if you think you know me and have me figured me out I guarantee you that you don't. It is not your fault, nor is it necessarily a bad thing. Only two people know me, including myself, and I am content. In the end I am happy, very happy in fact. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming.
Life is complicated, and throws a lot of shit and loop holes, but it is what it is. This is truth. Letting go is truth. Freedom.

I am done looking back.

life during war time

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 20:25:44 GMT

You have lost me. I am going to work hard in school the next two years and do everything in my power to get every scholarship I can so once I graduate and move out I will not owe you anything. Once I move out I will never talk to you again, ever. You don't deserve a word from me, I have done enough. I have sacrificed so much for both of your well beings and you don't even see it. You don't even see the damage you have done. You don't deserve my forgiveness. I have people in my life now that care about me and I wont need you. I am sorry. I am sorry that I am so angry. I wish I wasn't, but I am. This is how things are going to be, it is out of your hands. Unless you make an effort to think about someone other than yourselves within these next two years then I wash my hands. I will be done. I owe you nothing.

I am being hard on you. but I could never tell you anything. You used my love against me for all these years and I am tired. I am sick of your manipulation. I am sick of your problems. I am completely lost. I am scared I will never be able to love anyone. I am scared I will be the same type of parent.

I learned all I know from you, that horrifies me.

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 03:27:57 GMT

Everyone else is updating so I guess why not.

I am so slapping happy! You have made me the happiest girl in the world. I really never expected someone to be able to be so genuinely kind; you really are the the sweetest, most real, super crazy person. I am so happy with you. I am not thinking about the future or holding on to the past, I am just here, with you. It's good.

My friendships are extremely pleasing. I am not insecure like I was in my past friendships. I feel I can be completely myself. Yeah, it makes me sad to think about the people I have lost but what I am coming to realize is that there are reasons they aren't my friends anymore. I am drama free now. Once I got past the judgments I once had about my friends and I realized that they are good people.

I am happy. I really am.
I am free from that victimizing and manipulative crap!

This is good!

lusicous priest

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 02:34:19 GMT

Hold your glass up. Three cheers for the supreme overlord!

Feed me more nonsense, I am hungry for ignorance.

so pleased with ourselves for using so many words and nouns

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:11:19 GMT

I have learned from my mistakes. I am learning not to take my emotions and impulses so seriously. I have learned to love, and allow love. Everything seems so fucked up, but just saying everything if fucked up isn't going to do anything for me, or anyone else. People are fake, it is sickening, but the only way I can do anything about it to emulate what I want in a person. I am not perfect. I am fake. I am everything I criticize, we all are. You can say you are not but all of us are the very thing we spit upon. I just feel sorry for people. They seem to have nothing, no meaning in their lives. I am one of the lucky ones. I don't have truth, but at least I know I don't have it.

It is hard for me sometimes so see how horrible people really are. I, for a long time, thought the human condition deep down was one of compassion towards one another due to the similar bond you can share with almost everyone. But more and more I am realizing that people don't care. You can't blame them, their parents don;t care, society doesn't care, no one does. We all have artificial emotions. Nothing is real unless there is no need to label it. life isn't a organized closet, why doesn't anyone fucking get it. We wont ever achieve perfection, there is no point in pursuing it.

No one can be happy when there is self. Forget this me mentality.

So maybe maybe I should stop talking now and stop contradicting myself.

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:34:33 GMT

Words mean nothing, that's what I have been searching for this whole time. I need to detach myself from words and learn to not connect to them emotionally. They are what have been inhibiting experience in my life. Live live live live live live live live live.

Dwelling only hurts me, that's why I have stopped. I trust people pretty easily, believe people have good intentions but they sometimes are misguided by the crap that floats around us, I am too. I need to let go of self, I am doing that, slowly, but surely.

by the way, he is the best thing that has happened in such a long time. ahahahahahahahhahahahhaha. geez he makes me smile.

Alyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy OUT.

And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone

playin' soft while bobby sang the blues

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:36:02 GMT

I'll wait until I understand.
I wish I could get a few hints though.
I think it is kind of unfair.
Oh well, I've done what I can,
I don't know what else is expected.
Hope I don't disappoint.

I just need to keep telling myself there is no point in trying to change others. My only power is to change myself, and change myself not to suit others but to help me get one step closer to enlightenment and ultimate understanding.

truth

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 21:22:45 GMT

austyn,

When I look back to reflect, I can’t do it without feeling a lump in my stomach grow larger with every mistake I’ve made. Words don’t mean much, but they do have the power to break respect you have for people, or friendships you’ve had. Those you critique others the most are the one’s with the most insecurities with themselves. I talk because I don’t know how to find happiness without it, but funny, it never gets me anything but more drama. You know I am trying to say sorry. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes. But I’ll keep talking anyway.
I’m not grateful enough, to say the least. You’ve never done anything to hurt me, not on purpose. and I have never tried to hurt you on purpose either, even though I know I have. We all have our own lives that we have to put as a priority. But I do want you to know that every shitty thing I say is done out of love. It’s just strongly misguided. I can’t stand to see a friendship fade, so I figured it would be better if it just ended. But in truth, I don’t want our friendship to end. You can’t deny that we have lost each other, and I can’t deny that it is just as much my fault. We are both very different now and I think that we will never be as close as we used to be but now I know that that doesn’t mean that I should put you down and judge. I get frustrated so easily. In short, I’m sorry. I am very happy with my friends, and I don’t need to be your best friend by any means. I only ask that our relationship doesn’t remain so mediocre. I know that you understand me, or at least you used to. Try to understand where I was coming from. Because through all the junk, I had a message, you are important to me, and I’m not willing to give that up so easily. After school yesterday I wanted to say sorry to you so badly I just had no idea how. Please forgive me, I don’t want you out of my life.

but we still have the radio...

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 05:11:29 GMT

And it's true we named our children
After towns that we've never been to
And it's true that the clouds just hung around
Like black Cadillacs outside a funeral
And we were done, done, done
With all the fuck, fuck, fucking around
You were so true to yourself
You were true to no one else
Well, I should put you in the ground
I've got the time
I got the hours
I got the days
I got the weeks
I could say to myself I've got the words but I can't speak
Well I was done, done, done
With all the circ, circ, circling around

I didn't die and I ain't complaining, I ain't blaming you
I didn't know that the words you said to me
Meant more to me than they ever could you
I didn't lie and I ain't saying I told the whole truth
I didn't know that this game we were playing
Even had a set of rules

We named our children after towns
That we've never been to
And it's true that the clouds just hung around
Like black Cadillacs outside a funeral
And we were laughing at the stars
While our feet clung tight to the ground
So pleased with ourselves for using so many verbs and nouns
But we were all still just dumb, dumb, dumber
Than the dirt, dirt, dirt on the ground
Well, wings on flames
Kings with no names
Well, this place just ain't got air right now
You were so all over town but still Crayola brown
Well, you should run around yourself right now
And we were done, done, done
With all the fuck, fuck, fucking around, circling around

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 21:53:10 GMT

I'm an alligator, I'm a mama-papa coming for you
I'm the space invader, I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for you
Keep your mouth shut,
you're squawking like a pink monkey bird
And I'm busting up my brains for the words

Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love

Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!

Don't fake it baby, lay the real thing on me
The church of man, love
Is such a holy place to be
Make me baby, make me know you really care

Make me jump into the air

Keep your 'lectric eye on me babe
Put your ray gun to my head
Press your space face close to mine, love
Freak out in a moonage daydream oh yeah!

Freak out, far out, in out

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:01:15 GMT

So I guess to you my life is a open door, you are free to leave it and come back in as you like.
Well, it’s not. What did you want me to say to you. I miss you? I hate you? I want you to come back home? Never show your face here again? You have brought my family enough grief, please stay away, or come back. I don’t know what I want. You are killing me. I had forgotten what your voice sounded like, but now I remember. You do have one of the kindest voices I know, but your words mean nothing, you’ve shown me that. How can I trust you again? I’m to forgiving. I wish you would come back. I wish you never left. But this is how it is, so how can I move on.

I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
I had forgotten your voice.
Why did you remind me?

We aint too pretty we aint too proud

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 04:01:05 GMT

The plastic is what kills me. false convictions. political theatrics. don't tell me you care because you don't, I'd prefer a selfish idiot then a pretentious faker who claims to have beliefs. You were such a important person in my life, but it was all show. It's always the next party or better lookin' crowd. I'm tired of theater. Where does reality begin? It's all image, how can I tell the difference between the screen and the people. there is no difference, that's the problem. Where did all that beauty go? I'm happy though. truly, this is for real. I know friendship when I see it, your blind fold has come off of me.

you make your self out to be insane but the need for attention is as sane as the rest of the world.

I thought you would understand that.

...... over trying to be your friend.

I’m sorry... I’ve moved on

I guess not though, it's all a cycle with me.

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 03:47:00 GMT

and then I understood all those crappy songs...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 02:42:43 GMT

So I have to post a stupid picture of myself for school because i can't send it to myself. So suck it up and let that blank stare eat your soul. Yeah, sorry, I have to have a picture of myself for a book we are making and this is that only somewhat recent one I have.

A skittle a day keeps the zits at bay

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:07:24 GMT

Hey beautiful ladies, where did you go?
This is the longest goodbye of my life.
You are no longer here yet you remain friends,
Maybe, I'm not there

but in truth,
there is nothing left but the past,
and i want to live in the now.
Urg.
Why?
Not that I am one to question...
Whatever.
Astronaut.

Planet earth is blue and there's nothin I can do.

True Lies

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 23:31:07 GMT

or

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cz-zyaiYcPY

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 21:40:51 GMT

I don't really know what I am supposed to say.

I now walk into the wild.

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 01:59:15 GMT

Watch out
You might get what youre after
Cool babies
Strange but not a stranger
Im an ordinary guy
Burning down the house

Hold tight wait till the partys over
Hold tight were in for nasty weather
There has got to be a way
Burning down the house

Heres your ticket pack your bag: time for jumpin overboard
The transportation is here
Close enough but not too far, maybe you know where you are
Fightin fire with fire

All wet
Hey you might need a raincoat
Shakedown
Dreams walking in broad daylight
Three hun-dred six-ty five de-grees
Burning down the house

It was once upon a place sometimes I listen to myself
Gonna come in first place
People on their way to work baby what did you except
Gonna burst into flame

My house
Sout of the ordinary
Thats might
Dont want to hurt nobody
Some things sure can sweep me off my feet
Burning down the house

No visible means of support and you have not seen nuthin yet
Everythings stuck together
I dont know what you expect starring into the tv set
Fighting fire with fire

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 03:07:56 GMT

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

"Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness.... give me truth"

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 22:37:30 GMT

Oh my, I recommend everyone to do this.
I was reading over my old LiveJournal entries from 6th grade to now and it made me really happy, even the annoying whinny ones. In 6th grade I was so happy, with everything I had. I had my moments where the pity seeker came out but still, I was who I was. I valued all of my friendships the best I could and it brought me a crazy joy. Then 7th grade came when I started my Julian faze.
But by reading over that I realized how trivial all of my problems were from back then, even now. My school years will mean nothing when they are over, not in a negative way, but just in how they effect my happiness.

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:39:20 GMT

I always screw things up.

~~Your welcome. Anytime.~~

"I swear. You can believe me"

Sometimes I find is hard to believe what comes from my own mouth.
The sad part is I don't feel guilty about it.
As if it is his fault.
Shit.
I'm sorry.
I know, it doesn't help.

Where have all the children gone? Gone to fight in Babylon.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 04:00:15 GMT

We are almost there, but going nowhere. It is a cycle that I will not break free from and nor with the rest of the human population. 7 billion rest their heads with the weight of the world drifting away as their conciseness is cascaded into vibrant world of dream and nightmares horrors only a awake with the same spirit as the day prior. As much as I would like to put myself into a category of a person who will change the world in truth I shall always be embedded with instinct. How could I, a pupil the same nature as the rest of the world break free from what has been their since the first hairless ape crawled from the forests. If greed and impulse weren't present within us our society would not reached the comfort of being taken out of the natural world. Who I am to challenge the very structure which has placed me here with the knowledge to do so. We are a pathetic composition of the blind and starving, and the enlightened are nothing but a fantasy to protect the blind from reaching a true nirvana.

I don't know what I am trying to say, maybe that I talk a lot and do nothing. So I'll stop talking.